Lame Lamentations on Members of the Opposite Gender

So you know the saying, "3rd time's the charm?" Well I've got news for you all... it's crap. Complete and utter crap. Watching two elephants mate in the wild is about as charming, and far more entertaining. This weekend would mark the third, yes count them... one... two... three... third time I have organized a group date, yet not participated on that date myself in the past 8 months. Maybe I should just be like Hitch when I grow up? That would make life a lot easier, looking out for other's well-being rather than my own. That's Christ-like, right? You think a man could catch a break... for once... in his life... after all the things... he's ever done.... and all the times... he's never won. I also struck out 0-3 this week on getting a girl on said date... sometimes I think my life truly is depressing. So what is my problem then?

To be honest with you, I don't know. I'm smart, I'm tall, I'm decently attractive (one would like to think), I have a good head on my shoulders, I am motivated, I care for others, I try to be as nice as possible to everyone, I'm spiritual, I love life, I'm funny, and I want to be the best person that I can. I guess all that's left... I must lower my standards. I must devalue my values. I must become... a tool.

Don't know what a tool is? Males... look at yourself in the mirror. You are more than likely a tool. Don't believe me? See if you can get past this checklist. Do you consistently wear V-neck sweaters? If so, then yes, you are a tool. Are you God's gift to the world? If so... tool may be your middle name. Does your shirt cost more than my entire outfit, quite possibly my car? Then perhaps, you may be a tool. Have you faked your smile at 56 girls in the past hour? Isyour definition of a job picking up on girls? Does the world owe you something? Could you charm the clothes off of a barbie doll? If you answered yes to one, or all of the above, welcome to to Tool Time... please enjoy your stay.

To elaborate, I will describe our adventures of this past weekend. Friday night was a perfect example. We happened upon a party wherein there was a plethora of young people. Thinking there was a possibility of meeting a person of class and substance there, we meandered on in, only to find our intentions ill-fated thirty seconds upon walking inside. I thought we may have literally walked into Home Depot, because there were more tools than Tim the Tool-man Taylor knew what to do with. It sickened me... every single of them was more fake than Michael Jackson's nose. What happened to being real? What happened to being a normal person? Throughout the course of the entire night, I did not meet a single person, man nor woman, that was genuine and normal. So I guess I'm the problem... and I guess I need to stoop down to their level. Tool status, here I come.

What do I want to be? A hammer... or a screwdriver? Both have their pros and cons if you think about it... but seriously... it seems like I honestly have to become something I'm not... in order to get what I want. Life shouldn't be like that, but it is. Why should I compromise my standards and beliefs? Yet I must... because obviously that's the only thing that works. And why is it that way...? Because the women of the world have been lead to believe it.

Ladies, herein lies your problem... You only like the tools. A young woman that I recently had a conversation with admitted to that very fact. Why? Because you think you are entitled. You think that you deserve the best... well guess what... you don't. None of us do, because none of us has done anything to merit the best rewards. No one is entitled to anything, yet you all think that you are entitled to everything. Why? Because you are pretty? Because daddy gave you money? Because socially you are better than others? Face the facts, you are not everything your $50,000 BMW makes you out to be. Want to earn respect? Go be a real person... live the gospel... help other people... genuinely care for others well-being more than your own... actually be a person of your word... and oh yeah... get rid of the tools. You don't need a new power drill... you have a perfectly good screwdriver right over here... you just haven't realized it yet.