Светлина!

There is light at the end of the tunnel...at least for Ducky Dwight. It all began as a blind date (actually before the blind date on the phone). He finally found a girl that he's interested in just in time for Valentine's Day. We'll see what happens with it. Prediction: Брак

Ducky Dick learned some valuable dating lessons as of late. His love for bodies has toned down a lil and is trying to decide whether or not to go to Alaska to play with Polar Bears on buses. He's also trying to decide what he wants to be when he grows up.

Ducky Scott got into the Mechanical Engineering program so he's super stoked about that. He also is trying to figure out his summer plans. He's thinking he might play with satellites again or maybe try to play with alarms.

Ducky Alabaster is running here and there like a head with a chicken cut off. He's waiting to here back from the accounting program. His sister is about to get married as is his cousin and he doesn't have any girls on the docket. (Loser! haha)

Well that sums up the dampcajs.

I Kan Spelle!!!

I'm getting sick of it. English... honestly... people... it's the official (well technically not) language of our country, do you honestly think that you can learn to spell it? There have been way too many numerous occasions over these past few weeks which have led me to believe we are more uneducated a ten year old gypsy. The prime example I would like to use has been the liberal term of the word, "lose."

Go read someone's facebook post after a big game. If they lost, more than likely they have said something about "loosing." I couldn't tell you what 'loosing' is, unless you are talking about the noose that is tied around your neck. Or perhaps it is a term for a girl that happens to get around. But in either case, it has absolutely nothing to do with 'losing.' Losing implies scoring less points than the other team, not scoring more STD's from another man. Get the picture? It's one less "o," that's it, yet I have seen multiple facebook posts that tell me otherwise. You've known how to spell it since second grade. Please, for the love of all nooses everyone, just spell it right.

The next word is one that unless you are extremely careful you might get it wrong. Actually, no, you should never get it wrong, it's just that some dimwits just don't think before they type. We had an encounter where a young man didn't exactly enjoy the practical joke that we were playing on him, and he barbarically referred to one of us as a "bum body." I ask you our dear readers, what on Earth is a 'bum body'? If we are referring to a rather slim individual, covered in grime with a long beard, then yes we are probably talking about a bum body. The last time I checked, no one's body looks like a bum, unless you are talking about Anthony Jones, whose bum chin may perhaps be larger than my backside (besides his glass cutters, but that's a topic for another day), which is saying something. Regardless, if you are trying to put someone down, please have the brains to not refer to them as an entire body. I would hate to see what other bold comebacks this individual can possibly come up with in the heat of battle.

So there you are, in the Facebook chat room, talking with that incredibly cute girl that you have always wanted to ask out. You, being the sly fox whom you are, decide to pay this princess a compliment, to have her heart melt in your hands like butter. You think of the perfect line, and you wait patiently for the moment of execution, and then it comes. Your palms sweat as you press the keys, but there it is, the perfect sweet nothing. You push the enter key and it shows up on the screen, "Your the most amazing creature God has graced this planet with." Your stomach is in knots awaiting a reply, and the worst of all endings occurs. She logs out, leaving you with a gray box and no response. Why? Your grammar you dolt! That's why! Your is referring to something you possess, not something that you are. You're is the word you should of used, and now you are hopelessly done for. You're lost, you're done, you're an idiot, you're desperate. Your feelings have been hurt. Your attempts were futile. Looks like your mom will have to be your date once again. Get it? Got it? Good.

And finally, the misspelling of the word "dominant" is a rather large pet peeve of mine. I have seen it numerous times. "Man, that Chicago D-Line is so dominate!" Using a verb to describe a thing, what has America come to these days? You are not a "dominate" individual, "dominate" is the word we use when we talk about what them folk from Alabama do to their livestock. Remember, adjectives describe the nouns wherewith they are attached, not verbs. If we keep that rule, we will all sound a lot smarter.

All we ask is that we, as individuals of this wonderful, tolerant country, simply take some time and learn to spell English words properly. It will make me happy, it will make others happy, and it will especially make you happy when people don't think you are making creepy advances toward them, when all you wanted to do was joke around. So for the love of all those incredible English majors out there (what do you do with your lives anyway?), please, save the children and learn to spell. You'll thank me later.